Serious Golf Guy

screenshot-2016-10-02-16-06-15Serious Golf Guy was half Greek god, dry, in his late 20’s and VERY committed to himself. I was… 19, a bit of a goofball and couldn’t be bothered with those small details. We had zero in common but, he was beautiful and if that isn’t the building blocks to forever, I don’t know what is.

 Where does Serious Golf Guy go on a first date? Top Golf, of course. I’m always up for a go but, I’m also a klutz so, I was prepared to laugh at myself all evening. Little did I know, it wouldn’t be over my golf game.

He showed up with custom Ping clubs over his shoulder and instantly began bragging about how greaaat of a golf player he was and that I was really lucky he took me to play with him. What an honor.

 It was Friday night and the place was packed. We had very mediocre small talk at the bar. After what seemed like forever (in bad date years), I got up to use the little girls’ room and of course, that’s when our buzzer goes off letting us know we can muddle through the rest of our evening.

I already felt rushed because I knew Serious Golf Guy was itching to get this show on the road. As I rounded the corner, I saw the restroom line was out the door and I immediately started panicking. No matter if your feelin’ someone or not, no one wants to be that person that takes a little too long in the restroom. So, me and tight little maxi skirt got outta there as fast as we could. By the time I got back, Serious Golf Guy was already at our bay, warming up (insert eye roll here). After a few horrible attempts on my part, he decided to help me with my swing. The old let-me-show-you-how-it’s-done-so-I-can-get-behind-you-trick (dudes, we’re all onto you).

As soon as he did that, things got super weird and our little golf lesson was cut very short. I remember thinking hmmm, that’s strange. For about 20 minutes, he avoided eye contact with me and said very little. This date had managed to go from bad to worse. When he was swinging, I tried to attractively lean against the table and then was completely mortified….

My ultimate MIDDLE SCHOOL NIGHTMARE had manifested itself! I felt a wad of toilet paper coming out of the top of my maxi skirt. What? How? Why God Why?

Then, everything suddenly became very clear. This explained why lover boy didn’t want to get behind me. Sure, it was awkward for everyone involved (mostly me) but come on dude, put me outta my misery. Who knows how many people and how many snapchat stories saw my shame (lol).

You want a guy that will be honest with you, even in an uncomfortable situation. Minimally, remain polite. For me, my ideal guy would smack me on the butt and say “hey, you got a ‘lil something there.” After all, people aren’t perfect and we all go to the bathroom and sometimes… we leave with more than we came in with  (No? Maybe that was just me).

Thankfully, the rest of the date lasted two seconds. Serious Golf Guy and I decided to part ways and the moment was never discussed again. Moral of the story:  Life can be rough and restroom breaks can be unkind. Get someone that will laugh things off with you.



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